Thursday, April 19, 2018

The Spring of my Discontent...

Seriously? I mean, come on Mother Nature get your shit together! I had to cancel my evening training class for snow...on April 16th for crying out loud!! I feel like at this point it's just rubbing salt in wounds that have been festering since last winter, like the bitch has given up on all of us idiots and she's giving us all a big FUCK YOU, TAKE THAT...I can't say as I blame her really. I have felt overwhelmed with dread, sorrow, anger, incredulity and helplessness the last year and a half. I have been trying to dig myself out but that bitch keeps smacking me down, "Oh you are trying to come out of your depressive state? Here's a nice Nor'easter for April". I think my own body is against me too! I have gained WAY too much weight over the last year and each time I start to take control some part of my body freaking breaks down and needs a few days rest, which of course turns into months and then the cycle starts over. I've been able to accomplish little things like get more mobility and use out of my shoulder that I hurt in Jan. 2017 and ignored for waaaay too long. I cut out my iced tea habit as well as those really yummy pretzel crisps, I was in the midst of a 2 bag every 3 days habit...kicked cold turkey. I dowloaded the full Headspace app for daily meditation and thought provoking reminders. I don't meditate daily but I would say I meditate about 3 out of 7 days on average. I've been trying to get outside and walk the last week but yet again the bitch says "wanna see what happens when you go outside?" BOOM head cold and sore throat! To make it even more awesome Steve comes home tonight. Super sexy to see your wife after 3 weeks and she's sniffing and blowing her nose. 😷 But I'll keep plugging along because I can and because some people don't get that chance.

I have a dear friend that just lost his wife of almost 20 years, she was 42! That is mind boggling to me and I can't even begin to know the devastation he is feeling. I tend to be a fatalist (I imagine the worst case scenario for every day things in life) and this has had me imagining losing Steve. It's an easy jump for me and my brain, he's on a plane all the time coming to visit, driving back and forth, I mean even tonight he is driving from Boston home after midnight and there is supposed to be snow and ice! It gives me heart palpitations. Not to mention with all this house buying stuff we are talking about finances, bank accounts, 401K's and insurance and how I need to know what we have and where it is. It's morbid to think about but nothing is guaranteed and it's better to be prepared otherwise a tragedy could be even more horrifying having to deal with such inane things as finances when faced with losing your heart. I know my friend has the support of his family and friends and I hope that can help him through, my heart aches for him.

As I mentioned I am a fatalist, I'm also a dweller and one of those people that can conjure old arguments in my head and rehash them out with things I should have said or things I would say now. I have a very vivid imagination...yay for me. I'm also someone that bites off more than she can chew on a regular basis (just ask my husband, he can vouch for this). It usually works out but in the middle of it I can be quite overwhelmed and get stuck. I recently did this to myself. I had the opportunity to get in contact with someone from my childhood, but there was risk associated with it as well...I did it anyway. I am glad I did but it is also bringing up other issues that I may have to deal with at some point and they are a bit overwhelming. Rekindling a relationship with one person may inadvertently mean some kind of connection with another person that I had written off long ago and I'm not sure how I feel about that. To make a long story short (too late) I may have opened a door to a connection with my biological father and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. Heavy stuff.

Anywhoo, as cathartic as all this self expression is, as a substitute for FB you all probably just want cute pictures or little witty quips...fresh out of witty quips this week but I am never in short supply of cute pics. Enjoy.

The one thing that held me together during Monday's many Goldfinch and Juncos and Chickadees!
Caitie's artistic talent is incredible and makes me so proud of her (and a little envious!) She has incredible artists on both sides of her family, it makes me wish my grandmother could see it.
Trying to meditate...the purring actually helped!
Therapist extraordinaire! 💕

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Failure lies in perspective

So it's been a pretty mundane week. Steve is still in TN and won't be back again until very late Thursday night. He's been away 3 weeks this time, I hate it. The girls have managed to get ready and out the door at my designated time twice this week which leaves them 3 more days to get it right before they can earn their electronics back! Teens and mornings DO NOT mix. Rylie and I watched "Murder on the Orient Express" last night, she loved it and is now wanting to read Agatha Christie books! After the girls went to bed, I watched Deadpool. It was hilarious, not quite as offensive as I thought it would be but still pretty much in the gutter! The weather actually seemed a tad more spring like a few days this it is sleeting and the ground is covered in white. It seems we had a brief spring, skipped summer and fall altogether and went right back to winter. I am looking more and more forward to our move south, Steve told me it was 75 the other day!

Of course I say that and then I get a chance to let the dogs run off leash in our back woods and I know I will miss this place immensely. This home really has everything I want in a home (besides the climate), space, quiet, comfort, wildlife and safety. It is interesting to note that both homes I felt the most at home in, of all the homes we've lived in in our relationship, have been in NH. Our first home, while it was small, was much like this one, quiet, on a lovely cut de sac, safe and with lots of space. Plus, that is where my babies came home so that house will always be my favorite. This current home fits us and we had plans to make it fit us better as we aged so we weren't needing to climb stairs so frequently. The one thing we always said about this house is it had endless potential to be whatever we needed. Life had other plans.

This new home will fit us as well and is just as adaptable. I really like that the master is on the first floor! Good for aging knees as well as aging dogs! Its' five acres are already fully fenced and with plenty of room for gardening, agility and maybe a mini cow or two! I am excited about naming our home (name to be revealed all in good time) as well as making it as comfortable as I knew it could be when I walked in. The girls will have enormous rooms; Rylie will have her own secluded "library" and Caitie will have a separate space for all of her "catifying" ideas (Thanks Jackson Galaxy). There's even a perfect space for the Guinea pigs! Steve and I will have a combined office craft space and I can add a dog shower to the huge laundry room. There is a lovely guest room with it's own bathroom and the patios are beautiful. It will be a great home, It just means I have to leave THIS great home.

I had a little epiphany yesterday (hence the blog title). I hosted a Homeschool Science Fair that I volunteered for last year thinking Rylie would be able to participate. I posted it in one of the homeschooling FB groups and had 27 children sign up. I rented out the community center here in Peterborough, made up certificates and judging sheets and opened the doors at noon yesterday. Three children and their families showed up. I was embarrassed and annoyed. The kids were having fun showing each other their projects (they were all under 9) and by 12:30 I asked the parents if they would like me to bring out the scooters from the equipment room. The kids enjoyed riding around the gym for the next 40 min. or so while I gave other people time to show one did. So, I went around and had each child explain to me their project. The only little girl to show up did a project on fossils. She had done all her own research and typed it all up. She made salt dough fossils as well as used one of those kits that kid chip away at to find the fossils inside. The next little boy was 6 and he was dressed in a nice little button up shirt and khaki pants and he told me all about the wobble bot he made. The oldest boy was so shy his mother had to help him explain his project, but I was able to get out of him that he wants to be an astronaut and that is why his project was about why the sky is blue. After seeing all the projects I went back and filled out the certificates, everyone got one of course but you know what, everyone deserved one! Afterwards, as they were cleaning up, the little girl told me it was her first science fair and it was "the best ever" and the 6 year old boy gave me a hug to thank me for putting on the fair. The older boy gave me a big smile as I handed him his certificates. I left the gym realizing, what I thought was a failure to meet expectations, these kids thought was incredible. They were just happy to have been able to participate and show off all they learned, I'm sure the scooters helped too! So like the title says, failure is all in your perspective. So try to look at things the way a 6 year old might and maybe you'll see the good through it all.

Enjoy your day!

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Excuse the happened

Dusting off the old blog, 6 years since I've written here! So much has happened, where to start...just kidding! I can barely remember what I did yesterday never mind recount what I did for the past 6 years, other than raise two amazing daughters (if I do say so myself!)

Anyway I am back here in an effort to cut ties with my FB addiction that I used to be able to justify as a way to keep up with people I'd lost track of or don't get to see regularly. I can no longer justify wasting 1/2 hr to find out the 15 best clapback tweets! I don't even do twitter AND I don't even know half of the people on the list!

So I am taking back my time from FB and instead using this space to write (which is something I love and have missed doing) and document our lives for those that really would like to know what's up in our lives. We are by no means exciting BUT we are coming in to the teen years with our girls so I am sure that will provide much fodder for this blog (as well as the therapist I will likely need to start seeing). We are also moving to TN, and while we have lived in a southern type state before, MO, this will be an interesting adventure. I have some personal/professional plans floating around in my head and I'm kind of excited about them, all I'll say is they are dog related 😝

I hope you enjoy reading about our journey!

(I'm still trying to come up with some clever sign off, if anyone has any ideas...)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

WOW, 6 months have gone by in a flash…

I have been terribly remiss in keeping this family blog up to date! I apologize! So where to begin? I could tell you about Caitie's birthday and how she and Rylie skied for the very first time!



I could tell you about our wonderful Easter with my mother and the beautiful weather for outside egg hunting!

I could tell you about beginning all the work on our new home, a fantastic mother's day, a wonderful community event that the girls got to participate in (Children and The Arts Festival) and getting my first official dog training client for my new business Wicked Good Dog Training!

In June the big news was the addition of a new furry family member and my 20 year High School reunion! Jojen is a wonderful addition to our family and I officially feel old!

July was a very busy month, Jojen got stepped on by Beanie with a fractured wrist as a result and we had our annual vacation in York Maine plus it was our 10 year wedding anniversary!!

So far August has been filled with swim lessons and family time. The girls and Steve have camped in the front yard, we've visited Old Sturbridge Village with my mom and Jim and I've been busy training Jojen. The girls start school on the 29th and we have friends coming to visit at the end of this month! It's been a busy and full summer! 

We hope you are all well and I promise to update this sooner than 6 months from now! =)

Monday, February 20, 2012

some things are hard to let go of...

This will be a short post, I just thought you all might like to see the video messages the girls sent to their school friends back in Missouri. Caitie seems to be having a harder time with this transition than her sister but we expected that as that is her personality. Both girls do miss their friends though and so we thought this would be a fun way for them to communicate with the kids back there. In my next post I'll share the adorable video of them dancing with their new classmates in a school performance! Stay tuned! =)

Friday, January 20, 2012


Well the girls have been in school for 2 1/2 weeks now and I'm still adjusting! They seem to like their teachers and classmates and seem to have moved right into the class seamlessly. I say seem because I just can't be sure. Everything is so different in a public school and I'm having a hard time being objective. I have very strong feelings about the public school system and they aren't very rosy. I realize it is a hot debatable topic and everyone has their opinions but these are my daughters, the lights of my life so I take the task of their education very seriously and very much to heart. I am very aware I've been spoiled the last year and a half having the girls in an amazing private school environment and maybe that makes the public school environment deficiencies all that more glaring. I don't know. I am trying very hard to be positive, think positive and be proactive. I have gotten the girls into a yoga and creative dance class, a math club at the school, we do story time at the library on fridays and I will be starting up some clubs at the school myself such as a lego club for 1st and 2nd graders as well as a craft club for kindergartners. I'm also thinking of doing a writing club for the first graders. I see a problem I try to fix it.

All of this is tentative though because we are still in limbo about a house to purchase. In comes adjustment #2. I was very surprised to see the selection of houses on the market, the condition of most of the affordable houses and the crazy asking prices of all of the houses. I grew up in New England and had a healthy understanding of it's vastly more expensive cost of living but having been in MO for the last 4 years has greatly skewed my thinking on what a house is worth and what you can and should be able to get for your money! Wow, what a big disappointment searching for a house has been! It probably wouldn't be so bad if we weren't in a time crunch, as well as looking in winter when there is snow covering all the property! In NH it can be dangerous to buy a house when the property is covered in snow…you never know what'll be there come spring! =) We are both sick of looking at houses but haven't really found that perfect house, so we keep looking…at least until the end of the month and then we really have to make a decision because our rental lease is up at the end of March.

I realize this all sounds like one big complaint, and I guess I am in that kind of melancholic, everything sucks right now, frame of mind. But there have been some great things too. My aunt Maureen has been up to visit many times and even spent the night, the girls love that. We've gotten to see my mother and the rest of my family more in the last month than we did all last year! We've had a snow day, made a snowman, slid down some hills on new sleds and have generally had a nice time being together. Not to mention that Beanie and I have been walking so much more and there are some great hills in town that kick our butts, literally! So even though things aren't all sunshine and roses like I naively thought it would be, it hasn't been absolutely horrible either. I miss my friends and my work in MO and the girls miss their friends there too but they have made friends here and we hope once we are settled into a house permanently we will really be able to dive right in to life in New Hampshire again!

Here is a picture of the house we are renting!

The girls enjoying their new sleds on our snow day!

Beanie enjoying the weather! 

Monday, December 26, 2011

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

Whew! What a busy week it's been! The girls and I flew back to New Hampshire for good last saturday, Steve showed up with the animals on sunday, I cleaned the new rental house monday and tuesday and the moving truck showed up with our stuff on wednesday. As they unloaded I was unpacking! It took me nine hours to unpack my kitchen but I can say that is the one room in the house that is completely done. The rest still have boxes here and there but we can widdle those down in the next week or so. We were fortunate enough to be able to spend Christmas Eve with my family in Massachusetts, we were missing a few cousins but it was still wonderful to be surrounded by family. The girls had a great time and made out like bandits! It was a long, late drive home so the girls hurried to get into bed so Santa could come. Steve and I were up a few more hours as we still had things to wrap! We woke up to softly falling snow and wonderful gifts and time together.

The girls have one more week off and then they start in the new school on Jan. 3rd. We were able to tour the school twice and meet the students in their classes as well as the teachers. The girls are excited, I think?

Steve is really enjoying his new job at EMS and looks forward to the day when he is no longer the "new guy". It won't take him long, he's pretty smart and can get himself up to speed pretty quickly, he jumps in head first.

Well, we look forward to visiting with everyone over the coming months and would welcome visits our way as well!

We hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and may your New Year be fantastic! Here are a few pictures and videos to share with you all:

This video is Caitie and her class singing a song for the parents on the last day of school before winter break.

Caitie and one of her best friends at the going away party

 Rylie and her friend Levi

 The view out of our new dining room window

 Out for a morning walk in the snow

 We all got to enjoy the newly fallen snow