It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...2020

 As I bid adieu to the year that has been simultaneously indescribable and littered with any number of descriptions, dumpster fire anyone, I have decided to do a year in review. 

This year has been hard, brick wall, steel girder, hard. In my own life, challenges and loss were plenty. I started the year, like most, with great ambition; finish my book, work on myself and my relationships, spend time with one of my best friends and enjoy all that my new home had to offer. I got journals and planners, dance instructors and a gym membership...so hopeful. As the pandemic came into full view plans and vacations and camps got canceled, my daily gym routine died, my motivation suffered and I became overwhelmed. I spent the middle of the pandemic pretty much phoning it in, and even that is an overstatement of my showing some days. Naps were the norm, binge watching tv shows and just generally checking out became my coping mechanism. Parenting teenagers in a pandemic is not just hard, it has been soul crushingly brutal, keeping a marriage strong with very little in the way of any real time alone has been frustrating. Finding any semblance of time for myself or my interests was non existent.

I've spent the last few weeks looking through photos of this year, I documented the first 100 days of quarantine, and found myself repeatedly saying "THAT happened this year??" This year has felt like 5 years. I lost a very dear, friend early on this year and I honestly was surprised when I looked back and realized that hadn't happened last year. There was no closure, no ability to say goodbye. The bad parts just kept rolling one into the other til it was a mish mash of crap that seemed to have been going on for years. I am honestly shocked at how much crap has been packed into one measly year, 12 months, 365 days.

Despite all that, throughout this pandemic, I have had a secret, guilty thought..."This isn't so bad for us". By us I mean my family of 4. We have certainly known loss and have friends that have struggled, but for us, if we really look at it, it wasn't so bad. This is certainly not to rub anyone's noses in anything. I don't think there is a person on earth right now that hasn't been impacted by this pandemic in some way, big or small. It is simply a way to look back and not dwell so much on the hard but to see the hidden gifts this year has brought us. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason and while I don't for one second think the death and injustices we've seen and had this year have any "reason", I hope they have at least brought some kind of enlightenment to people, I know they did me.

So when Steve and I talked to the kids over Christmas break and talked about how lucky our family has been through this whole thing, I decided to go through my year of pictures and remember those good things as a way to usher out a hard year and start the new year with a different frame of mind. Besides these things from my photo feed, so many other things brought some joy to my life this year; watching birds out my window, my 4 legged family members, a little 4 year old blonde boy and his equally wonderful mother that I followed on FB, The Holderness family, The I MOM SO HARD ladies and sunshine...so much sunshine in TN!

My Marshall family 2020 year in review:

January: Started the year in Peterborough after visiting for Christmas, Steve and I saw Brandi Carlisle in concert at the Ryman (the original Grand Ole Opry), Picked up our first NGPR foster Maverick

February: Scrap days with Janette, FINISHED MY BOOK, Caitie's bestie visited from NH, Started the Sit & Play program...PUPPIES!

March: I visited the Garden Show in Nashville, We had a nesting Kildeer in our front yard, Cake #1 made, Explored the Natchez Trace for the first time, Morning walks with Steve started, Neighborhood clean up with the kids, home organization began, dyed my own hair red

April: School closed, Guest room organization finished, Jojen and I participated in a freestyle compilation, Adopted Maverick, Houseparty app workouts with my besties, started work on the garden

May: Started work on the screen porch, Season 2 of Dead to me, planted my garden beds, Aggression in Dogs Conference, Lemonade conference, NGPR transports

June: Cake #2, Peach subscription arrives, Lots of pool days, garden is blooming, Started watching The Office, Family drive on the Natchez Trace,

July: HAMILTON on TV!, Picked up Ramsey to foster, started Reactive Rover classes, visited Cheekwood, 18th wedding anniversary in quarantine, Motorcycle rented for a week, Steve turns 50!

August: Rented a boat with the family-twice!, Bean crazy in the garden, "Back to school", Quick visit with Caitie to NH

September: Re-organized my craft room, Steve bought his motorcycle, Cake #3, Ramsey got adopted

October: Picked up Gabby to foster, Apple picking with the family, Rick Riordan virtual book tour, Cake #4, Birthday trip of the murals of Nashville, early voting, Rylie turns 16, cut my own hair, Escape room...twice, Zipline/adventure course with Rylie

November: My mom comes to visit, Rylie goes to FL. for her AIO camp, Christmas lights in Gallatin

December: Decorating our new home for Christmas with my mom, Clint Black virtual concert date night, Die Hard 1,2,3, Gabby gets adopted, Cake #5, A beautiful Christmas with my 3 favorite people, Caitie finished writing her first book, laughing with my family on NYE watching Bob Marley, starting a new year with a grateful heart

*Sounds of the world burning* Me: Ha! Funny post! (This is about Social Media)

Well you can't erase that, now can you?

Welcome to social media! The one thing "keeping" us teens from "realizing our full potential". It's the thing that "makes our generation so violent" and it "causes mental health issues". Okay Brenda, go off. In truth, social media is and does a lot of things. It can help a person who has trouble making friends in real life make friends in other parts of the world. It delivers news in real time. It is a job that a lot of people can make money from. It serves as a place of learning, inspiration and connection. It can help people who are struggling to reach out and get help. It can help people discuss interests and viewpoints with other likeminded individuals. It is also home to child predators, traffickers, racists, bullies, and general grade A a**holes. (Mom told me not to swear, I think censoring should do the trick.) The older generations (Read: Baby Boomers and Gen. X) are all up in our faces (Or our timelines) about how much better their childhoods were and how social media is the cause of all our problems. First of all: we as a generation acknowledge the problems that social media causes, and we acknowledge our part in it. However, we also know that social media helps with issues that often are not always addressed in the real world. Second of all: they can't blame us for problems that their generations had a significant part in creating. All those social networks that they are so worried about? Gen. X's and Baby Boomers created them. Sure, some are made by millennials, but most are made by the older generations. I... had a point here, hold on, let me find it. A-ha! Social media has a lot of positive impacts/traits and negative impacts/traits. Let's go over some of those, shall we?

Part One:

Positive Number 1: It is a way for teens to entertain themselves and others, as well as a form of self expression.

Take the newish app that's all the rage with my generation (Gen. Z if you couldn't tell), TikTok. Thats right folks! The new and improved 'musical.ly' with Vine mixed in! Remember Vine? No? I don't either. TikTok made itself known for its numerous videos of teens doing weird dances to weird songs. Or, as everyone else calls it "The Straight side of TikTok". It is known for new challenges, dances, cool makeup and makeup effects, and the Thirst Traps. Yes, the capitals are necessary. Other staples of TikTok include skits, mini vlogs, politics, cosplay, and other random stuff that people find cool and funny. A lot of it being the whole 'burst through your bathroom door, look dramatically in the mirror, and say something'. Most of these videos are kids my age (Read: High school age) or the elders of my generation/the youngsters of the millennials just doing things to make others laugh, or showcase something they really enjoy or have a talent in. 

Negative Number 1: It can cause unrealistic expectations of what a teen should look like.

We all know those pictures, the ones were a teen around 14-17 who looks like they could be the cover of a Vogue magazine? Or those targeted ads about how to be pretty, or lose weight with the captions, 'Now you can do it too!' Now, what a surprise that it can do more harm than help. When teens who already have issues with their body-image and/or self-esteem see these types of things it can reinforce the idea "I need to be pretty" or "I need to be skinny" when they don't! Little tidbit of positivity: I will love you no matter what you look like, because it does not and should not matter. Okay, back to the depressing stuff. This toxic mindset of " I need to look like them to be valued" is extremely dangerous and can be a leading factor in a lot of mental health issues, especially depression, anxiety, and eating disorders.

To learn about more positives and negatives of social media, visit these articles: how-does-social-media-affect-teenagers and positive-and-negative-influences-of-media-on-teenagers_00107975

Part Two:

Now personally, I don't use social media as much as one would think. Sure, I watch YouTube and have an Instagram account, but I hardly interact with other users. So my views might be a bit different than other teens my age. I personally like the social media I'm on. I can view a wider range of content that I find interesting and relevant. I don't like all the pressure it puts on people to post though. Let me and my lurker tendencies be! Because I'm not as involved, I am often times not aware of big going-ons in this digital world. (Gods, just saying that made me feel even more removed from society than I am.) And it doesn't really effect my in-person life in a big way. I do talk about things I've read, seen and watched a lot, but that's because they are all about things I find interesting or topics I feel strongly about. My Mom calls me addicted, but I don't experience withdrawal symptoms when I get my phone/laptop taken away, so I don't think its a real addiction. And also, if it is a real addiction, in this day and age? I think I can afford it. I can't go outside anyway, might as well watch funny videos, am I right? Besides, what else am I supposed to do? I can read yes, and I do! The problem is that if I want new books, I need to buy them or visit a library. See the issue? I can't go out with friends, not that I do anyway but at least the option was there before. There is nothing to do but be on the internet. At the very least watching TV. Also, my mom can't say anything. She is on her phone and laptop, and when she isn't, she's watching TV, and when she's not doing that, she is napping. Again, I had a point here, hold on. Wait, did I have a point with this? I can't tell anymore.

Part Three:

As a child, which I still am, but as a younger child, I had a lesson (Class? Something.) on internet safety. They didn't say why, but I knew. News flash! Bad people exist! As a smaller child, I had very limited access to the internet, but I also understood the dangers better than most of my peers. We were taught not to share personal information like our full names, addresses, or our age. No pictures, either. The whole time, I sat there thinking, 'Well duh. You wouldn't tell a total stranger this information, so why would you put it on the internet, where so many more people have access to it?' As you can see, I was very cautious and logical about the whole thing. But I look on social media, mostly peoples profiles, and I see this exact information. And, you do you, I guess, but they should still be careful. There are so many horror stories about people not being careful and bad things happen. Just type the words 'teen social media horror stories' into any search bar and thousands of articles will pop up. Once you get past the 'I accidentally posted to the wrong wall' or the 'sent this to the wrong person' stories, there are a lot of stories about how sharing information can go horribly wrong. There are some really good articles I found about how to stay safe and about the real-life consequences of not being as safe as you could be. You can read them here: real-life-consequences-social-media, sharing-inappropriate-photos-or-information-online and social-media-smarts.html

Part Four:

As part of the whole 'real-life consequences for things you do online', a lot of companies and jobs that pay well do background checks on everything in your life, including what you post on social media. So watch out! Those old tweets from 2008 when you were way close-minded? Yeah, they're going to be dug up. A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't say it to someones face, don't post it and if you wouldn't show this picture to your parents/guardians, don't post it. For those of you wondering about the process of background checks, surprisingly the police are very open about how they go about the background checks they do before hiring someone. They check with any and all family members and friends that you are who you say you are and to get more information on you. They check your criminal record and any minor infractions can put you at a slight disadvantage. They check school and job records. And of course, they check your social media. Use these articles as a template for what to expect when a possible job says that they'll do a background check on you: need-know-police-background-check-common-disqualifiers and social-media-background-checks-law-enforcement-industry

Anyway, social media is a neutral entity. It's not inherently evil or good. It just is. It is what we as a community use it for that determines if it is good or bad. The original purpose of social media was to bring people together, and it does just that. Remember! Be safe, be kind, and don't blame societies problems on teenagers who are just trying to survive high school and college. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go have an existential crisis in my shower. See ya!

-Rigel M.

Life just keeps on going...

It was a long, tumultuous summer punctuated by some great moments. I am now in TN full time and fully immersed back in our family life. I love it here, love my home and definitely love the weather!!

I have been so busy, keeping up with this blog has fallen by the wayside. I hadn't realized it's been so long since the last post. Moving has been a struggle in the parenting department. Rylie is doing well, enjoys her school and has made friends but Caitie is still refusing to embrace anyplace that isn't Peterborough. I understand, I never wanted to move them so late in their teen years and I remember how much I hated moving so often as a kid. I am trying to be patient and understanding but a sullen teenager is a challenge for sure. I had an epiphany this morning, although it wasn't especially comforting, Parenting teenagers is like being pushed off a cliff that seemingly has no bottom. You are completely at a loss as to what to do, what's coming at you, and when you'll hit the bottom. There are of course times where the winds may buffet your fall and maybe even offer you a respite from the plummeting but in just the next breath you could be speeding back into the abyss again. I am flailing and failing daily at parenting these teenage humans and all I can do is just try and do better, or at least not cause more strife, the next day. Some days I get a smile and hug, other days I get sullen silence and complete ignoring. It's whiplash and emotionally exhausting on a daily basis. I haven't been this tired since their toddler hood! Parents of adult children say this will pass and it will get better and I am sure that is the case, but right now Steve and I are just racing down this free fall trying our best not to crash into the wall.

Steve and I have restarted taking ballroom dance lessons. We are part of this great place called National Dance Club and have a great (albeit very young) instructor named Austin. We have been so out of practice but slowly things are coming back to us and we are recapturing that muscle memory. Through this rekindling of this weekly adventure I have come to realize a few things. I have some trust issues. We used to joke that I am not a good follower, I was always trying to lead Steve. We tried to chalk it up to my ability to keep a beat and having had previous dance experience, but recently I have started to delve deeper into my "junk" and I have found that it really is about trusting my partner to lead me safely where I need to go. To be able to let go of control of the situation. SO HARD! I have also found dancing with a partner is a metaphor for a relationship. The most important thing (other than trust) is your frame. It is the foundation for everything, a weak or collapsing frame creates imbalance and can cause you to step on your partners toes or get completely out of synch. If you have the opportunity to try ballroom dance I highly recommend it, whether alone or with a partner, it is so much more than being able to move on the dance floor.

Well those are the things that have been on my mind that I felt I wanted to share. I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday Season. Enjoy the day!

All Aboard The Crazy Train...

I definitely hear Ozzy Osbourne laughing in my head on a daily basis as I go about my day. I can't even begin to describe the stress, instability and chaos I have been feeling for the last year and a half, and I still have more to go!

Caitie's room got finished and she loved it. The bathroom is still fully gutted upstairs but everything else downstairs is back together and usable. The insanity of no ceilings for over a month was super fun! I finally told Steve I needed a break from the construction at least for the summer, so we sent our contractor off to another job and will see him back here again late fall/early winter to finish the upstairs bathroom and front door. Then, the plan is to stop for a while. We will have the luxury of going at a slower pace since it will be unoccupied and not a necessity. We are still undecided what the future will hold for this house but, at least for the next year or two, we will keep it as a landing spot to come back to NH to visit. It's a bit of a safety blanket for all of us. When we left NH the first time to go to MO, we came to realize, selling that house was a mistake as we had no place to go back to and yet, we did the same thing with the house on Ashlee Dr. here in Peterborough. So, we have finally learned our lesson and will give ourselves that safety blanket should we need it.

This summer has been crazy, well, just an extension of the continuing crazy really. Losing Pat, Steve's dad, threw us all for a loop and being apart during it all has been excruciating. My job is to take care of my husband and I couldn't do it, that was hard for me. He has been so strong through it all, taking care of the monumental task of settling dad's estate, being there for his brother and dealing with his own grief. I am in awe of his strength and pig headedness LOL. His dad was and would be so proud of him for sure.

Before Steve was offered this amazing promotion opportunity of CIO, we were coming to the point in this crazy experiment that we needed to make some really difficult decisions. We were no longer ok with the separation, but still had no idea how to move forward to mitigate that. On top of that we were dealing with two teenagers struggling with life and we didn't know how to help and what would be more beneficial or more detrimental. We were both a bit frozen and couldn't really find a clear path. This promotion gave us a clearer path and allowed me to feel more settled with the idea of moving. This has been a career goal for as long as I've known Steve and because of me, many times it was derailed or at the very least veered of course slightly. He is nothing if not persistent (pig headed!) and he just kept trucking on and moving forward. You can't keep an amazing man down and he excels at pretty much everything he sets his mind to. I had absolutely no intention of standing in the way of this achievement.

I am actually ready and excited to move to TN. I am ready to be with my husband every day and have our family back together again. As much as I will miss my dog community, I am excited to try new things and spend time working with my own dogs. I have thoughts and plans in my head but I am not putting them out into the world just yet. The one thing that I am willing to share is that I plan to begin volunteer work again. Caitie and I are planning to volunteer at a local shelter and possibly even a wildlife rehabilitation in the area (totally bribing my daughter with these things!). I am ready for something new and even though I am scared of the fallout with the girls, I am hopeful it will be good for them as well.

The house of course is an incredible bonus. I am thoroughly in love with the new house and property and can't wait to be there full time and make it feel like home for all of us.

I am extending an open invitation for 2020, if anyone would like to come visit the Nashville area, give me a call, we have a room for you! Also, in 2020, if anyone would like to visit the monadnock region, give me a call, we have a house you can stay in while you explore this beautiful corner of New England! There will still be furniture and such here so it will be ready for guests!

Here's some pictures, in case you haven't already seen them on FB!


Visit Peterborough!

Rylie's Graduation!

An attempt at a mother daughter bonding home spa day...this mask was terrible!

She is a Stranger Things junkie now!

More progress and a winter break!

Well Caitie's "new" room is in the final stages! We just need our plumber to come and install her baseboard heating element, the electrician to put all the guts into the outlets and then to paint! She has been amassing "fan art" to hang in her bedroom and is very excited about that. She also super excited about her little reading nook area (I'm kind of jealous about that myself!)

Since our contractor has finished his work in Caitie's room, he has moved into the upstairs bathroom. He started in there just before we left for Montana. On our return today I was quite surprised at the progress, everything has been removed (shower, toilet, sink and built in cabinet) and the ceiling has been taken down. The walls will be next to go. So for the foreseeable future I will be sharing MY bathroom with my daughters...oh joy!

We had a lovely trip to Montana to see Steve's dad and for the girls to ski a real mountain! They were a bit nervous but enjoyed it and by the second day Rylie was going down blue square intermediate trails, which she is quite positive are equivalent to black diamond on the mountain she usually skis, Crotched Mountain. While they skied I enjoyed quiet time in the condo and even got to soak in a huge bathtub! That is my kind of fun! On our drive back to Spokane (we flew into and out of their airport...much cheaper than going into Whitefish MT) which is about a 5 hour drive, not only was the view spectacular, we saw 4 bald eagles, one of which flew down from a tree right in front of our car! We also saw countless varieties of hawks perched on telephone and fence poles and a small group of female Elk! It was one of my favorite parts of the trip! No pictures of the birds as we were driving and they were flying but we managed other great shots along the road. Enjoy!!

Bathroom before photos...

During...

Getting to Montana!

Drive from Spokane to MT

The condo!

A nice drive up Big Mountain

Skiing!

Dinner silliness

Drive back to Spokane

Cosmo was happy to be going home!

Caitie's room ready to be painted